As the lords of hyperpreterism were gathered in one place, which may often be a tavern since they seem infatuated with alcohol, they spied a poor young futurist. The lords of hyperpreterism as is their practice, took turns trying to debate the daylights out of the fellow when finally he spoke up & asked in a loud voice:
“What must I do to become a hyperpreterist?”
Each lord of hyperpreterism opened their favorite texts, some quoting the book of Preston, others quoting the book of Vaduva, but in all the response was this way:
“You must first be willing to claim that the historic Church has been intrinsically wrong on eschatology for over 2000 years. You must be willing to replace the concept of Sola Scriptura with our concept of SOLO Scriptura where each man becomes his own private interpreter, completely disconnected from the historic interpretation of the Church. You must be willing to forsake all association with the historic Church & historic Christianity & instead embrace our novel ideas – even our concepts of a first-century rapture & our idea of Adam as not the first-created human but only the first “covenantal man”. You must submit to our version of being “consistent” & “logical” otherwise we won’t really be able to call you fully one of us. It would also be good if you attended our conferences & bought our books & generally swooned at everything we do. In this way, we show we’re all in this together.”
The young fellow pondered the issue for a moment & then replied… (insert your own reply – How do you reply to the hyperpreterist invitation/interrogation?)
